I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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