i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
