Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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