I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
