Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
