They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
