I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
the raccoons are back...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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