12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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