I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
