i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
