I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's blow job season.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
