If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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