I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Houston, we have a squirter
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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