lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
