I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is the high leading the old right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
