I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That accounts for only three of the penises
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
