first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
