People in love make me want to vomit
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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