I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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