I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
