Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
