The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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