Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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