I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
