my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
