doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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