Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
