I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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