I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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