i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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