PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
