the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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