I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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