I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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