Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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