I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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