I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
