Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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