Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
