I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
