She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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