DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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