weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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