so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
