why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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