and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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