Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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