We're like a lot better than the average bears
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
