Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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