My pussy is not your playground.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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