My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
