I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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