You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
