dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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