I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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