there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
