There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
