It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
