i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
