how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
