he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
