STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
