Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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