So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
