...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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