I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
whose parrot is this?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
