clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
