clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
