omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
