I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
