I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
